Something so Different
by lovely-witch47
Summary: For Tomoe and Kaoru fans. Who do you think is better for Kenshin - Kaoru or Tomoe? Here's my opinion about the matter. Please Review. I'd really like to hear your opinion too.


This is really tiring. But I want all RK freaks to read this. Well......... what is this? It's just the Kaoru vs. Tomoe issue on my opinion. Although I am more for Kaoru, Tomoe fans should not be afraid of reading this fic. All I laid in is facts and I would really appreciate reviews - even flames - and please bear with me... It's kinda long but with great sense.  
  
Now I have come to terms with my Kenshin OAVs and series. I really don't know how to explain it, Rurouni Kenshin always did strike me as a very moving saga - deeply affecting those that it has touched. The character I can relate to much with is Kaoru. I don't think this makes me less understanding of Tomoe in anyway.  
  
I would admit that I would go to extremes of posting my writings of Rurouni Kenshin on fanfic sites. I think I would entitle it -  
  
- A Prologue to Rurouni Kenshin -  
  
Now that I remember, I can understand that commentator who calmed Tomoe and Kaoru fans who kept debating on the net about who was better for Kenshin or whom he loved better. That person said that they shouldn't be debating at all - first, because Kaoru and Tomoe both loved Kenshin; Kenshin loved Tomoe in the past and he valued Kaoru in a different timeline ( notice the word valued )  
  
Reading would have a hard time discerning what I believe in based on what I've written before and what I am telling now. I would say that this sums up all that I think Rurouni Kenshin - as far as the love triangle is concerned - is all about.  
  
I think I get her point regarding maintaining the peace among all us Rurouni Kenshin freaks! (are you?)  
  
Then agian, as an individual, everybody wants a resolution - a truth to believe in.  
  
It was never the question of who is good for Kenshin for both are deserving and both good and bad for Kenshin in a lot of ways. and you wouldn't know good if you haven't tasted bad, believe me!  
  
Tomoe may not have lived with him out of love at first, but like Kenshin, she was a victim of circumstances. and she did love him! Enough, and to - more than enough die for him and die at his hands.  
  
Kaoru may have had a different philosophy on this issue but it doesn't mean he loves Kenshin any less.  
  
She would not die for him if she knew that it would burden Kenshin later on. She would not let herself be one of the reasons for his atonement, one of the guilts he carries on his shoulders. She knows Kenshin does that without need for a reason.  
  
Even so, in the manga, Kaoru did - unthinkingly, covered for Kenshin when he was about to get shot. And she has proven several times in the series that she would cover any blows for him. For several times, she has acted out of her heart's instinct told her to save him regardless of the cost which could have been her life. And I believe that had it cost her life, she would never have regretted it and will in her dying breath whisper for Kenshin to go on and forget about it. Forget aobut her. If it would pain him, Forget her, though she wants to be remembered.  
  
To be honest, she - Kaoru, has always competed for Kenshin's affections - which was buried with Tomoe. Whatever Kenshin felt for her - it was never as deep as the love he had for his first wife.  
  
I don't think a debate is necessary here.  
  
I would profess to be a Kaoru fan but these girls out there for her would brand me as a coward. Which Kaoru never was. And they would be screaming bloody murder that i wrote this stuff.  
  
Kaoru was strong enough to admit that she can never line up to Tomoe at heart. She was a woman. Kaoru was a child - the one with Kenshin. They found that in each other. Tomoe saw that in Kenshin and loved him for it. Still, Tomoe treated him like a man and Kenshin could not love her more.  
  
It is only now that I had the courage to admit what Kaoru had known for a long time - I would understand why she ran away the first time she heard about Tomoe - which he called 'my wife'.  
  
Kaoru knew that Kenshin cannot give himself wholeheartedly - that he can only rest when, all comes to an end, or when he does. It was different for him to share a piece of himself in fear that by doing so he would be dishonoring Tomoe's memory. That was why he was so hard to reach even though he was so near. He cannot even give a pure smile even if he says that he is very happy to be with Kaoru. A big part of him died when he accidentally slashed Tomoe to death.  
  
Kaoru knew that she can never revive that part of Kenshin. It was for Tomoe and Tomoe alone. She had carried the key to that part of his heart when she died. ( Have you ever felt that way? Pardon, the writer of that fic is exceptional and if a resemblance between this comment to that fic is reached, I do footnote with all integrity. Doumo!)  
  
I cannot blame Kenshin for not loving Kaoru as much. Kaoru said that it was enough for her and Kenshin believed her. Sometimes, when Kenshin feels so much for Kaoru - he oculd not have done any better, would he - I am bound to think that it is our of guilt, for not being able to return what she gives so freely, what she gives in free.  
  
Even when he was a husband to Kaoru, the better part of him was wrong for his promise to Tomoe. And most of the time he was away. It seemed that he was the one who built that gap between himself and Kenji (his son). I could almost understand Kenji's resentment of him. But kenshin is Kenshin. And he does nor deserve to be shown off his son's life. His "indifference" towards Kenji will forever be a struggle to me. Kenshin has always been good with kids right? Or perhaps it's not indifference - It was fear. Fear. Right? never indifference. It seemed that the days he lived with Tomoe were longer than the years he spent with Kaoru. For a while here I wish, Hiko was there in the battle with the Yaminobu clan. Would it be better if Tomoe didn't die - Hiko would have been more than enough to save his baka-deshi and his wife.  
  
When it gets as truthful and as painful as this - I wish Kaoru never met Kenshin.  
  
But she did. And the loveliest thing about Kaoru was not her beauty, not her strength as a master of the Kamiya Kasshin School - and though she didn't have the grace and bearing of a woman like Tomoe - Kaoru was not a bad competition either. To clarify, not that there was a need for competition.  
  
The loveliest thing about Kaoru is her ability to accept hard facts and smile through it. Even Megumi cannot heed a candle to that. Megumi considered that, that the very reason why Kenshin chose Kaoru over anybody like.... okay.... over her!  
  
It was never the question of love, was it? Almost apparently, everyone knows to whose loyalty Kenshin's heart belong to. It was known to those who love Kenshin whom he loved and loves most. It was not among them. Sano, Yahiko, Megumi, Misao - Kaoru - they knew. It was not among them and they all know it. They knew. Kenshin loved Tomoe. It was his past. It was in his past. She was in his past. And she was the only one.  
  
They say that it's easier to win against a living person than with a memory. NOw, how much harder would it be to be victorious against a beloved and protected memory? A person whom Kenshin loved to the point of adoration. How much would Kaoru be able to surpass that? It was not irediocrity. It was reality.  
  
She cannot. She never intended to and she has accepted her defeat honorably. Why do you think she had to beg Tomoe in her grave to leave Kenshin to her even if she knows it's no use? That Tomoe can't hear her? That it was Kenshin who would not entrust himself freely to her? She knows that. And she understands. It is not a crime for KaOru to hope. And she can smile that smile Kenshin wants to see in her face because of that hope. And she smiles above the hopelessness of it all. There are moments even he always comes back home , she says. And Kenshin did admit that hope was with her. Kenshin needed her. Flimsy, Flimsy, but fine. Kenshin and Kaoru care so much. They have lived enough so many battles longer than Kenshin did with his scars. I don't know what to say to erase the pain of admitting that the woman who had won Kenshin is still YUKISHIRO TOMOE... HIMURA TOMOE. Maybe, there's nothing to say at all.  
  
Just that Kaoru loved Kenshin. And in his own special way, HE LOVED HER BACK. As KAMIYA KAORU... As HIMURA KAORU. Nobody ever felt and realized how selfless that love was that Kaoru offered to him without asking for anything back. Not even Kenji. Know how guess that love is - deep and pure Kaoru's love is. Not even Kenji could understand or how and why she would love someone like him who has nothing to offer - not even his love. Not even Kenshin. I think Kenshin has a ...... of that generosity and loves thus his guilt about not being able to return as much. I dare say that. I know how deep that is. And I hope Tomoe fans out there would realize it too.  
  
Kaoru was not set out to destroy Tomoe's memory. She suffered so that Kenshin would live and die in peace for that vision of Tomoe. Kaoru helped Kenshin live so he can fulfill his promise. It is not only Tomoe who loved Kenshin. Kaoru did too. And she was a better woman for it!  
  
Thank goodness Misao has no competition. :)  
  
What would you think of my comment about Sayo vs. Megumi for Sanosuke....?  
  
I'll be waiting for your reviews......... Feel free to e-mail me!  
  
Sorry for some grammar errors.... I couldn't read my rough draft clearly. heheheh.  
  
Thanks cousin!!!!!! 


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